I recently fell in love with an old song called “Listen to Our Hearts” by Geoff Moore. I love the rendition by Tim be Told and Koo Chung more than the original but that’s a story for another day. “Listen to Our Hearts” is a song about how words are not enough to fully describe love.

16 months ago I met my girlfriend and to this day my stomach still flutters when I see her. From time to time she asks me “Josh, do you love me?” and with a resounding voice I respond confidently, “Yes, I love you so much!” For some reason, she always follows up with a second question which I find to be much more difficult to answer. She asks, “How much do you love me?” Why do I say that this a difficult question to answer? I love my girlfriend so much that words cannot wholly express intensity of my heart. I’ll be honest, I don’t like that question all that much because I can’t give her an answer that clearly explains my heart for her. It’s frustrating to know that the language that I have used all my life cannot describe my heart for her.

The song has a part in the chorus where it says, “Words are not enough/ To tell you of our love/ So listen to our hearts.” The blog post for today will be more of a letter than an actual post. A letter to my girlfriend addressing the issue of words not being enough.

“Dear Kyuhwa Lee,

I first began talking to you and realizing that you existed on December 24th 2015 in a Boba (Bubble Tea) shop. That night you came in while I was talking to a friend of ours. In the most awkward of situations, our friend left leaving us both alone together. Not knowing where or when to start a conversation you instead asked me to help you out with a report for your work. As you know, we didn’t work. Instead we talked until the workers in the Boba shop notified us that they were closing. We proceeded to go outside and talked some more despite the chilly California night (It wasn’t really that cold but Californians are weak).

Since that night, my life has improved ten fold. Why you ask? You gave me joy. Your smile, laugh, eyes, everything about you made my heart leap. I swear to you, I woke up way earlier than any human being should ever wake up to see if you were awake. To my disappointment, you’re a sleeper so I was always left at night wondering how you felt and how your day went. Well, I’m a curious cat so I got dressed at 3 a.m. drove to your house and waited till 4:15 a.m. to take you to morning prayer. Thankfully, you didn’t take me as a creeper which is probably why you’re still with me.

Fast forward to the present and let me tell you that I still wake up in the morning (too early for any normal human being) thinking about you. My heart beats faster when I think about seeing you later in the day. To be honest, I still can’t look directly into your eyes because my heart flutters so much that I feel sick. Yeah, all this time I wasn’t telling you the truth about looking into your eyes because I wanted you to be proud of my small accomplishment. Enough about me being lame and back to the topic.

Kyuhwa, goodness I love you so much. In this case, words aren’t providing me freedom but a prison. There is no word or combination of words that could accurately express my love for you. I wish there was (or maybe I don’t because it sounds sweeter this way) but there isn’t.

So from now on, whenever you ask me “How much do you love me?” I will respond by saying, “Listen to my heart. Every beat will say, “I love you more than yesterday, I love you today and I will love you more tomorrow.” I’ll also say, “I love you a lot” because I know you like hearing me say it anyways.

This was my attempt to use words to express my love for you. At the end of the day words are not enough to tell you of my love.

I love you Kyuhwa.

-Joshua Han

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